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Download: Audio By John Pipe December 9, 1984
1 Corinthians 7:1-7
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote. It is well for a man notto touch a woman. But because of the temptation to immorality, each manshould have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husbandshould give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife toher husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but thehusband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, butthe wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreementfor a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then cometogether again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control. Isay this by way of concession, not of command. I wish that all were asI myself am. But each has his own special gift from God, one of onekind and one of another. Our focus on the Sunday before Christmas will be the great truth from 1 John, that "the Son of God came into the world to destroy the works of the devil." Last weekwe exposed one of those works, namely, that Satan tries to take awaythe Word of God when it is preached. Today we expose another work ofSatan, namely, that he uses sexual desire.
The text teaches at least four things.
1. Celibacy Is a Gift to Be Celebrated
You might even call 1 Corinthians 7Paul's manifesto for the unmarried life. When he says in verse 1, "Itis well for a man not to touch a woman," he means the same thing hedoes in verse 8: "To the unmarried and the widow I say that it is wellfor them to remain single as I do." "It is good not to touch a woman,"means, "It is good to be single."
Paul Versus the Modern Conception of Singleness
Paulwas so completely committed to a life of celibacy that he longed foreveryone to have it. But the reason he loved the single life is exactlythe opposite of why many people today love singleness and will evenbreak up marriages in order to be single again. Today singleness ischerished by many because it brings maximum freedom forself-realization. You pull your own strings. No one cramps your style.
ButPaul cherished his singleness because it put him utterly at thedisposal of the Lord Jesus. No wife and children had to be taken intoaccount when the mission for Christ was dangerous. No money had to bespent on clothing and educating little Paul junior. No time had to betaken preserving and cultivating his relation to his wife.
Singleness for the Purpose of Slavery to Christ
Accordingto verses 32-35 Paul promoted celibacy because he enjoyed servingChrist with as few distractions as possible, and he wanted that forothers as well. The contemporary mood promotes singleness (but notchastity) because it frees from slavery. Paul promotes singleness (and chastity) because it frees for slavery—namely, slavery to Christ.
Godhas called many of you to a life of celibacy. The teaching of thispassage for you is that this is a gift to be celebrated. You should bedreaming—as many of you are—how your freedom can be maximized for thecause of Christ here and around the world. You have some advantage thatthe married do not have.
2. Celibacy Is Not for Everybody
Not everyone is called to celibacy with Paul. Verse 7: "I wish that allwere as I myself am. But each has his own special gift from God, one ofone kind and one of another." As much as Paul would like to commendcelibacy to everybody, he defers to the wisdom of God who calls some tomarriage. Celibacy is not for everybody.
3. Marriage Is a Dam Against the Flood of Fornication and Adultery
Marriageis a dam against the flood of fornication—sexual relations outsidemarriage. After saying in verse 1 that it's a good calling not to besexually involved at all (that is, celibacy is good), Paul says inverse 2: "But because of the temptation to immorality, each man shouldhave his own wife and each woman her own husband."
The Clear Prohibition of Premarital Sexual Intercourse
Thisis a clear prohibition of premarital sexual intercourse. There areevangelicals today who argue that the New Testament word for"immorality" (porneia) refers only to promiscuity but not topremarital sexual intercourse for engaged couples. But this is anexample of defining a word with very little sensitivity to the moraland theological context in which it is used.
Paul mostdefinitely had in mind premarital sex between engaged couples when heprohibited immorality in this chapter. Look, for example, at 1 Corinthians 7:36-37."If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed(the word is literally "virgin"), if his passions are strong, and ithas to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. Butwhoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessitybut having his desire under control, and has determined this in hisheart, to keep her as his betrothed (i.e., to keep her a virgin), hewill do well." Which takes us back to the point of verse 1, "It is wellnot to touch a woman."
Now, let's be honest. Is it not clearwhat Paul teaches about premarital sex for engaged couples? He teachesthat singleness is to be preferred (as we saw earlier), but that ifsexual desire is strong . . . what? Go ahead and sleep together sinceyou are committed to each other and have enjoyed every other form ofintimacy? No! He says, if the desire is that strong, get married.Premarital sexual intercourse for engaged couples is not a Christianoption. And I recommend an article by a Christian counselor in thismonth's Standard for an excellent statement of some of thereasons behind this divine standard of chastity ("The Eroding Effect ofPremarital Sex" by P. Roger Hillerstrom).
The same thing isclear from our text here in verse 2. "Because of the temptation toimmorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her ownhusband." He does not say that getting engaged is the solution tosexual temptation. He does not say that a verbal commitment prior tomarriage justifies the act of sexual intercourse. He says, "If yourdesire for sexual relations with your fiancé is that strong, go ahead,get married." Marriage is God's appointed dam against the flood offornication in the world. You can't commit fornication after you aremarried.
A Dam Against Adultery
But you cancommit adultery. Which is why Paul goes on to show that marriage isalso meant to be a dam against adultery. Verses 3-5: "The husbandshould give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife toher husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but thehusband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, butthe wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreementfor a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then cometogether again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control."
It is clear from this text that good sexual relations in marriage areintended as a dam against the flood of adultery. Husbands and wiveshave a duty to offer sexual relations to each other in such a way thatthe temptation of adultery is significantly weakened.
Three Elements of Sexual Satisfaction in Marriage
Notice carefully how I said that. Husbands and wives have a duty to offer sexual relations to each other in such a waythat the temptation to adultery is significantly weakened. Theimplication of this text is that husbands and wives should satisfy eachother sexually, so that their eyes and hearts do not roam aftersatisfaction elsewhere. There are many elements that make up thissatisfaction. Let me mention three.
1. The Frequency of Sexual Intercourse
One Paul mentions in verse 5, namely, the frequency of sexual intercourse.He says that married couples should not abstain very long from sexualrelations lest they fall prey to the temptation of adultery. Frequencyis one element that makes up the satisfaction of sexual relations.
2. Physical Attraction
Another would be whether a husband and wife are physically attractive to eachother. I admit that this is a very sensitive and very complex area. Itis sensitive because there are many things about ourselves that wecan't change and others that are hard to change. It is complex becausethe inner union of two people can cause them to see beauty in eachother that others can't see.
Nevertheless, if it is true thatbeing physically attractive to each other is part of what makes sexualrelations satisfying, then I think this text implies that husbands andwives have a spiritual duty to try to be attractive to each other. Noneof us can compete with the sex symbols of our day. And we shouldn'ttry. There are some of us, in fact, who put far too much emphasis onexterior appearances. But surely the biblical way is a balance betweena nervous self-consciousness about every wrinkle and pound and grayhair on the one side, and on the other side a thoughtless negligencethat gives no attention to the way our partner would like us to dressor eat or bathe or act in public. The exhortation of this Scripture isthat we should be sexually satisfying to our spouses, in order to headoff the temptation to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
(Let meinsert a warning. Don't infer from this that, if your partner does notsatisfy you, you have the right to go seek satisfaction elsewhere.Marriage is infinitely more than sex. And a disappointment in that areais not an honorable discharge from the relationship.)
3. The Overall Quality of the Relationship
Besides frequency of sexual relations and attractiveness to each other,satisfaction also depends, in the third place, on the overall qualityof the relationship. If there is anger or bitterness or resentment orhurt feelings, we don't usually touch each other, let alone embrace. Sothis text is also an exhortation to humble ourselves and repent andseek forgiveness and renewal in our marriages.
(Which is why Iam encouraged and excited with the rising tide of initiative among someof you to create opportunities for marriage enrichment and renewal atBethlehem. Pat Repp wrote me a letter after Missions Week and raisedthe question whether BBC could be a pace-setting church not only in thecause of frontier missions but also for the cause of marriage andfamily ministries. My answer is, I hope so! The resources are here. Theneed is here. Some of you are hearing a call. And we as a staff want tothrow our encouragement and support behind the effort. How we long tosee an atmosphere grow up here at BBC in which marriages get started instrength and then again and again find help and renewal all along theway. We do not live in a culture that provides the kind ofencouragement and support for life-long marriage commitment that itused to. In fact, the forces around us are constantly suggesting thatwe are fools to stay in a troubled relationship. The church musttherefore double its efforts to create a community where anothermessage and another power is the air we breathe.)
So far then:
- Celibacy is a gift to be celebrated.
- Celibacy is not for everybody.
- Marriage is a dam against the flood of fornication and adultery, because it offers God's way to satisfy sexual desire.
4. Satan Uses Sexual Desire Ido not say Satan creates sexual desire. God created sexual desire. Itis not sinful or satanic to feel sexual desire. Satan does not createsexual desire; he uses it—or more accurately, he abuses it.
Strong Desire and Vulnerability to Satan
Verse 5 says, "Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for aseason, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then cometogether again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control."When sexual desire rises, Satan shifts his missile carriers into highgear. The rise of sexual desire does not mean victory for Satan, butdoes mean vulnerability to Satan.
There is a very simple truthat work here: the more strongly we feel sexual desire, the moresusceptible we are to being deceived that it is not wrong to satisfy itthrough fornication or adultery or masturbation. This same truth holdsin all the areas of our lives: the stronger our desire for somesatisfaction, the more vulnerable we are to being deceived about whatis right and wrong in the way we try to satisfy that desire.
That is why, for example, if you and your fiancé wait until you are alone ina car to decide what is right and wrong about fornication, you willalmost surely decide in favor. Satan takes the desire and uses itspower to make his proposal seem plausible. We had best do our moralreflection when desire is at low ebb, so that when the waves of satanicrationalizations break over our brain at the moment of temptation, wewill have an anchor of truth and won't be swept away by the life thatseems to feel so good.
Satan's Efforts to Destroy the Pearl of Sexual Desire
Let me say it again. Satan does not create sexual desire. It is good and henever produced anything good. His whole aim is to ruin what God createdto be good. There are two ways you can ruin a pearl. You can cut it outof the oyster before it matures or you can feed it to the swine. Satandoes his best to cut off sexual desire from the oyster of God's graceand truth. If he can get people to isolate sex from the reality of God,he has virtually destroyed its true meaning and beauty. He also doeshis best to take the pearl of sexual desire and, instead of putting itin the pendant of marriage, feed it to the swine of fornication andadultery and pornography and incest and child abuse and homosexuality.
Butthe pearl of sexual desire is meant to grow and come to its full beautyin the grace and truth of God, its maker, and then be taken and placedin the golden pendant of marriage. Or, for those who are called to gothe way of celibacy, the pearl of sexual desire is meant to be a kindof atomic ball-bearing in the wheels of human creativity.
Pitirim Sorokin, a professor of sociology at Harvard, and J.D. Udwin did astudy in social history which concluded that "the periods of sexualliberty were the poorest from a cultural point of view, whereas thoseperiods when morality and social convention imposed restrictions onsexual activity were the richest in creative output" (Christianity Today, Nov. 23, 1984, p. 29).
But Satan will use anything he can to ruin this pearl of sexual desire bycutting it off from God's grace and truth, or feeding it to the swineof adultery and pornography, or keeping single people from putting itsenergy to use in a life of creative endeavor for the cause of Christ.
Satan Is Real and Powerful
Please take this very seriously. Satan is not a pushover. He is real and he ispowerful. He holds millions firmly in his bondage. And he is seekingmore all the time. I heard from one of our people yesterday of a personwho turned down a meal on an airline flight, and when asked why, hesaid that he was fasting and praying to Satan. When asked what he waspraying for, he said, the breakdown of ministers' marriages.
Ifyou were a Satan worshiper, and you wanted to know what the goals ofyour master were so that you would know how to pray, where would you goto learn? You would go to the Bible because the Bible gives a truepicture of what Satan is about in the world. And you would learn that,among other things, he is about the destruction of marriages. He istotally committed to adultery, and all the personal problems that leadto it.
Learn from the Scripture this morning. When you battlewith sexual temptation, you battle against Satan. Not because hecreates the desire, but because he so powerfully and deceptively usesthe desire.
Resisting Satan's Lies by Knowing God
But never forget, "The Son of God came into the world to destroy the worksof the devil." The meaning of advent is victory for those who know theSon of God. There is a way to resist Satan's attempt to use your sexualdesire.
Let me close by directing your attention to a passage in1 Thessalonians 4, namely, verses 3-5. Here Paul shows the crucialdifference between those governed by their passions and those who aregoverned by a sense of holiness and honor. "This is the will of God,your sanctification: that you abstain from immorality; that each one ofyou know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not inthe passion of lust like heathen who do not know God."
The key phrase is "who do not know God." If you ask Paul, What can I do sothat I am protected from Satan's power to deceive me into sexual sin?his answer would be, Get to know God. Devote yourself to the knowledgeof God. Pursue an ever-expanding vision of God.
He said in Romans 1:28, "Since they did not approve to have God in their knowledge,God gave them up to a base mind and to improper conduct." But if youtreasure the knowledge of God and pursue it, the bondage to basenesswill be broken.
In Galatians 4:8 Paul said, "Formerly when you did not know Godyou were in bondage to beings that by nature are no gods." Deliverancefrom the bondage of Satan and his forces comes through knowing God.
Oras Peter put it in his second letter (1:3, 4): "His divine power hasgranted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, throughthe knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence."The better you know the glory and excellency of God, the less powerSatan will have over you. You cannot be easily deceived that Satan'sway is better when you really know the way of Christ.
The onlyway to fight the lie of sinful pleasure is with the truth of righteouspleasure. When you come to know God fully—that "in his presence isfullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasures forevermore"—thenyou will have conquered Satan once for all. He is a liar and has nopower over those who know God in truth.
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