Post by slyang81;2744478
I am at work, so no chinese input, apologies first. I think coming to Holland is a bad idea and I'll tell you why.
1. You two have been together for a bit more than 1 year (in Denmark and BJ together), these are all special period of your life (when you were in denmark, you don't have many friends, when your bf is in BJ, he doesn't have many friends). People in these kinds of situation tend to get close to the one they know and build special bonds with each other. I am not saying your feelings to each other is not true, I think it needs more time to prove it's really worth-well for you to take this step.
2. LS has a relatively good job and income in BJ, even though the "guanxi" is difficult to handle, you do not have "real" trouble living in BJ, so is your bf, since he doesn't have to worry about food, accommodation etc.. so he can be relaxed and take his time learning chinese and work once in a while. But after you come here, things are different. Your degree will NOT be recognised here (I know someone with MBA from tsinghua university, not recognised), so basically you have to start all over again. It sounds like your bf might be younger than you and doesn't have any "real" work experience. He might not understand the full extent of the issues you two have to face when you come back. It will be the other way around and he has to take care of you (remember, being taken care of by someone is always nice), even though he somehow agrees to come back with you, he has to come back first to look for job and earn enough money before you can come.
3. I've been working here 3 years now and have also been an exchange student in UK. Trust me, the life here when you are working is completely different than the one you have when you are an exchange student in another country. So the life you are looking for might not be the one you will get once you come here.
4. Dutch is quite different than english, it will take at least 6 months to 1 year to pass the language test of IND, and the trends is that the regulation will only get more strict before any better. The general impression here when people see a dutch guy with an asian girl is that the asian girl is trying to get the ID. Even when you are trully in love with each other.
5. Coming here means leaving everthing you have now behind (family, friends, job etc..), I think it is obvious for people on this board how difficult that is. Plus if you are in trouble, your family and friends can always help. But if you are in trouble here, the only one you have is your bf (assming he is still your bf then), his mom and dad won't come for help. That's the way it is here.
Suggestion:
1. Change your job from state-owned enterprise to a foreign-owned company, "guanxi" there is a bit less than you currently experience.
2. Explain the full extent of your choice (in case it's coming here) to your bf, see how he reacts. Ask yourself what do YOU want, not what you are prepared to do for this relationship.
3. If you really want to come, save some money to get a master degree here, you can use that when looking for a job.
Conclusion: Don't bet everything you have now on a guy you've been with for 1 year.......This is the one bet you can't afford to lose.
I wrote so much because I've seen people like you taking the wrong decision and is struggling to survive here in Holland. |
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