困惑--关于去留学还是移民

别来荷兰 国内好玩好吃 这里只能好睡了...

Post by miffy;2737950
回答你的问题：
1。荷兰似乎没有对中国学生设计的成绩好，就可以得的那种奖学金，好像只有针对第三世界国家的一些扶贫奖学金。似乎比较少有机会能够申请得到，主要要提前很早开始申请。而且手续估计比较繁琐。但是如果你以家庭团聚的身份来到荷兰，可以享受欧盟学生的学费待遇，那就不是一笔很大的数字了。

2。 申请家庭团聚，你的男朋友现自己必须在荷兰有一个稳定的工作，合同需要1年以上，有地方住，而且需要提交3个月以上的工作合同。你说，他连工作都还没有找，那么就等他先找了工作再说。一般公司都会要求1个月以上的试用期。 所以你可以乘他找工作这段时间努力学习荷兰语。

至于你自己来了以后找工作，那至少是1年以后的事情了，因为来了以后要先办id什么的，还需要一大段等待的时间。你在这段时间里面在考虑其他工作的问题。有人说容易，有人说难，所以要看自己的实力和运气了。

你先要跟你男朋友商量好的就是，你来了的至少头个半年里，他必须承担两个人的费用，因为你在那半年里基本上什么都不能做。 你要看看他是不是可以承受得住，而且也要考虑自己是否承受得住。

感谢如此详尽的回复！ 你的回答很中肯.我也想过如果一门心思去荷兰并不一定就是最好的选择。因为我目前的工作还是很不错的，收入也不错。只是，我的荷兰男朋友不是特别适合待在中国，而且我们俩在这里感觉不如在国外自如，老受人指指点点，比较烦。

唉，我现在真是进退两难！

哎....说句实在话

在中国混的不错的, 就别出国了, 换了一个国家, 你中间至少有两到三年的职业中断期

国内读的学历, 这里就算承认, 也不会公平对待的, 要流利的使用荷兰语, 更是需要一个阶段

而且说到底, 虽然国外父母插手的少一点, 但是无论如何, RELATIONSHIP是两个家庭的事情

很多事情, 没有那么简单的

关键是, 如果你为了他, 放弃国内目前的工作, 到荷兰来, 过一年HOUSEWIFE的生活, 如果再回国, 你就不一定再能找回现在这样的工作了

至于LZ所说的指指点点的问题, 其实在荷兰, 一样的

荷兰人娶中国女孩子, 也是有人指指点点的, 所以, 这个问题, 不会因为你到了荷兰就不存在的

我倒觉得, 如果你的男朋友是MARKETING的MASTER DEGREE, 完全可以找个欧洲公司在中国办事处的工作, 可能对你们两个都好

Post by py72130;2740468
感谢如此详尽的回复！ 你的回答很中肯.我也想过如果一门心思去荷兰并不一定就是最好的选择。因为我目前的工作还是很不错的，收入也不错。只是，我的荷兰男朋友不是特别适合待在中国，而且我们俩在这里感觉不如在国外自如，老受人指指点点，比较烦。

唉，我现在真是进退两难！

这就是对爱情考验的时候了，我觉得最好的办法是让你男朋友先回荷兰打基础。你还是继续在国内工作，同时有时间学些荷兰语。
如果你对这段感情有信心的话，稍微下点赌注又算得了什么呢？

Post by eggedreef;2741069
哎....说句实在话

在中国混的不错的, 就别出国了, 换了一个国家, 你中间至少有两到三年的职业中断期

国内读的学历, 这里就算承认, 也不会公平对待的, 要流利的使用荷兰语, 更是需要一个阶段

而且说到底, 虽然国外父母插手的少一点, 但是无论如何, RELATIONSHIP是两个家庭的事情

很多事情, 没有那么简单的

关键是, 如果你为了他, 放弃国内目前的工作, 到荷兰来, 过一年HOUSEWIFE的生活, 如果再回国, 你就不一定再能找回现在这样的工作了

至于LZ所说的指指点点的问题, 其实在荷兰, 一样的

荷兰人娶中国女孩子, 也是有人指指点点的, 所以, 这个问题, 不会因为你到了荷兰就不存在的

我倒觉得, 如果你的男朋友是MARKETING的MASTER DEGREE, 完全可以找个欧洲公司在中国办事处的工作, 可能对你们两个都好

感谢中肯的回答。LZ的这个观点和我家里人非常相似。
其实，我对于我们两个相处可能遇到的重重困难也有过一些估计，的确不是那么容易的。但是，又不甘心就这么放弃了。
现在的问题就是他刚刚毕业，没有一点基础，所以时常会让我感到不踏实。
而且就算我和他去了荷兰，正如楼上各位说的，一开始肯定会比较难，经济上会很拮据，而且生活上也需要一个适应过程，一想起这些就觉得心里没底。。。

Post by miffy;2741116
这就是对爱情考验的时候了，我觉得最好的办法是让你男朋友先回荷兰打基础。你还是继续在国内工作，同时有时间学些荷兰语。
如果你对这段感情有信心的话，稍微下点赌注又算得了什么呢？

LZ说的这个办法我也不是没有想过。可是他回国找工作、打基础，多长时间可以安定下来呢？两个人分开这么远的距离，时间一长，难免影响感情。
再说，他现在在中国学中文，好象非常的enjoy,暂时还没有回去的想法。

再说，他现在在中国学中文，好象非常的enjoy,暂时还没有回去的想法。

Just stay in China, till you want to go back to the NL.

I don't understand why your bf already starts to suit China, then you want to take the step back...

I am at work, so no chinese input, apologies first. I think coming to Holland is a bad idea and I'll tell you why.

1. You two have been together for a bit more than 1 year (in Denmark and BJ together), these are all special period of your life (when you were in denmark, you don't have many friends, when your bf is in BJ, he doesn't have many friends). People in these kinds of situation tend to get close to the one they know and build special bonds with each other. I am not saying your feelings to each other is not true, I think it needs more time to prove it's really worth-well for you to take this step.

2. LS has a relatively good job and income in BJ, even though the "guanxi" is difficult to handle, you do not have "real" trouble living in BJ, so is your bf, since he doesn't have to worry about food, accommodation etc.. so he can be relaxed and take his time learning chinese and work once in a while. But after you come here, things are different. Your degree will NOT be recognised here (I know someone with MBA from tsinghua university, not recognised), so basically you have to start all over again.  It sounds like your bf might be younger than you and doesn't have any "real" work experience. He might not understand the full extent of the issues you two have to face when you come back. It will be the other way around and he has to take care of you (remember, being taken care of by someone is always nice), even though he somehow agrees to come back with you, he has to come back first to look for job and earn enough money before you can come.

3. I've been working here 3 years now and have also been an exchange student in UK. Trust me, the life here when you are working is completely different than the one you have when you are an exchange student in another country. So the life you are looking for might not be the one you will get once you come here.

4. Dutch is quite different than english, it will take at least 6 months to 1 year to pass the language test of IND, and the trends is that the regulation will only get more strict before any better. The general impression here when people see a dutch guy with an asian girl is that the asian girl is trying to get the ID. Even when you are trully in love with each other.   

5. Coming here means leaving everthing you have now behind (family, friends, job etc..), I think it is obvious for people on this board how difficult that is. Plus if you are in trouble, your family and friends can always help. But if you are in trouble here, the only one you have is your bf (assming he is still your bf then), his mom and dad won't come for help. That's the way it is here.


Suggestion:
1. Change your job from state-owned enterprise to a foreign-owned company, "guanxi" there is a bit less than you currently experience.
2. Explain the full extent of your choice (in case it's coming here) to your bf, see how he reacts. Ask yourself what do YOU want, not what you are prepared to do for this relationship.
3. If you really want to come, save some money to get a master degree here, you can use that when looking for a job.

Conclusion: Don't bet everything you have now on a guy you've been with for 1 year.......This is the one bet you can't afford to lose.

I wrote so much because I've seen people like you taking the wrong decision and is struggling to survive here in Holland.

Post by py72130;2743949
LZ说的这个办法我也不是没有想过。可是他回国找工作、打基础，多长时间可以安定下来呢？两个人分开这么远的距离，时间一长，难免影响感情。
再说，他现在在中国学中文，好象非常的enjoy,暂时还没有回去的想法。

不明白，我们还在这里搜肠刮肚的给你想办法，原来你男朋友自己都不想回来。 那你操心什么？

Post by slyang81;2744478
I am at work, so no chinese input, apologies first. I think coming to Holland is a bad idea and I'll tell you why.

1. You two have been together for a bit more than 1 year (in Denmark and BJ together), these are all special period of your life (when you were in denmark, you don't have many friends, when your bf is in BJ, he doesn't have many friends). People in these kinds of situation tend to get close to the one they know and build special bonds with each other. I am not saying your feelings to each other is not true, I think it needs more time to prove it's really worth-well for you to take this step.

2. LS has a relatively good job and income in BJ, even though the "guanxi" is difficult to handle, you do not have "real" trouble living in BJ, so is your bf, since he doesn't have to worry about food, accommodation etc.. so he can be relaxed and take his time learning chinese and work once in a while. But after you come here, things are different. Your degree will NOT be recognised here (I know someone with MBA from tsinghua university, not recognised), so basically you have to start all over again. It sounds like your bf might be younger than you and doesn't have any "real" work experience. He might not understand the full extent of the issues you two have to face when you come back. It will be the other way around and he has to take care of you (remember, being taken care of by someone is always nice), even though he somehow agrees to come back with you, he has to come back first to look for job and earn enough money before you can come.

3. I've been working here 3 years now and have also been an exchange student in UK. Trust me, the life here when you are working is completely different than the one you have when you are an exchange student in another country. So the life you are looking for might not be the one you will get once you come here.

4. Dutch is quite different than english, it will take at least 6 months to 1 year to pass the language test of IND, and the trends is that the regulation will only get more strict before any better. The general impression here when people see a dutch guy with an asian girl is that the asian girl is trying to get the ID. Even when you are trully in love with each other.

5. Coming here means leaving everthing you have now behind (family, friends, job etc..), I think it is obvious for people on this board how difficult that is. Plus if you are in trouble, your family and friends can always help. But if you are in trouble here, the only one you have is your bf (assming he is still your bf then), his mom and dad won't come for help. That's the way it is here.


Suggestion:
1. Change your job from state-owned enterprise to a foreign-owned company, "guanxi" there is a bit less than you currently experience.
2. Explain the full extent of your choice (in case it's coming here) to your bf, see how he reacts. Ask yourself what do YOU want, not what you are prepared to do for this relationship.
3. If you really want to come, save some money to get a master degree here, you can use that when looking for a job.

Conclusion: Don't bet everything you have now on a guy you've been with for 1 year.......This is the one bet you can't afford to lose.

I wrote so much because I've seen people like you taking the wrong decision and is struggling to survive here in Holland.

Thank u very much for the practical advice!  That's exactly what I wanted to hear--from a Chinese person who has already been living in Nl. I will think about ur suggestions seriously.

Thanks again!